i don't have a cool writer name, i'm sorry.


‘genius’, ‘absolutely brilliant, unlike any [thing] i’ve seen before’, ‘hilarious and bizarre’, ‘four pages in and i’ve already laughed twelve times’, ‘i’m going to have heard of you in five years’, ‘this tweet will change your life’, ‘laughed a lot’, ‘[has] a way of making pain and suffering endearing’, ‘i shouldn’t be laughing at this but i am’, ‘predictable’, ‘pyrotechnics’, ‘i don’t think you’re allowed to put that’, ‘yeah that’s just their sense of humour’, ‘really like it but we want to be taken seriously as a production company’, ‘trying too hard to be funny’

(writer, all quotes real and accurate, criticisms probably justified)

e-mail me: draftpost0@protonmail.com


SLITHER MAG 202 (2020)



(.pdf - probably not back up soon - can’t afford the bandwidth)



AI-assisted art composites, old phone ephemera and navel-gazing combine to make poems.

nearly out the oven. 3/3.

i want to and have written a variety of different things. stage plays and animated / live action tv scripts and sitcoms and sketch shows and operas and whatever else it is that i haven’t attempted yet. most of these other projects are either driving me mad out of perfectionism or carrots dangled by a production company saying they can get them made so i don’t want to mess that up posting them online. the entertainment industry is stupid. let’s just say ‘scripts’ are also something i can do, and if you want to see these i can show you them.

the longer something i’ve written is, the harder i find assessing its quality. i look good in shorts.

it would obviously be very nice to be commissioned or employed via e-mail but i will settle for being contacted by like-minded people with nice things to say.

thank you.